Gardening and Yoga

Yesterday I spent 4 hours weeding and tilling a community garden plot that we recently became tenants of. Occasionally I would stop and check in with my body for back pain, any sort of repetitive motion pain, etc. I seemed to suffer no ill consequences, and was a bit surprised. In previous times in my life whenever I did something like garden for a period of time, I would have severe lower back pain and find myself needing to quit.

Even after coming home and collapsing into a deep-sleep nap from the fatigue I woke up refreshed and not feeling any physical ill consequences whatsoever.

"How does your body feel?" I asked John.

"Fine. I'm surprised that I don't have any aches or pains," He
replied. We both looked at each other....

"Do you think it's the yoga?" I mused.

"That's probably a big part of it, I'm sure." We both do yoga regularly. I do my 1-2 hours a day, and John does the Power Yoga by Rodney Yee maybe 3-4 times a week, tai chi every day, running 3-4 times a week, and then he has an Alexander session once every two weeks. The amazing thing about yoga is that it seems to be building not only my strength and flexibility, but also my endurance.

It was 10 o'clock last night before I could get my wiped-out body and mind back into the present and do my Power Yoga. I had a great, strong workout. How my body could endure 4 hours of gardening and then 60 minutes of power yoga baffles me. I think we totally underestimate the potential that is in our bodies.

Watching your breath

This morning, still having sleep issues, I found myself awake at 4:00 and staring at the ceiling.  We have been reorganizing the house in preparation for my mother moving in, and I moved my meditation room to a corner in a cubbyhole in the bedroom.  I got up and sat on my meditation cushion to quiet my mind.  As I sat there, with my mind wandering, I found myself searching for ways to focus and calm it.  I thought about Rodney Yee's Ujagi (sp?) meditations, where you extend your exhales longer and longer, and breathe with ease.

I began to do that a bit, and then gradually allowed myself to stop the instruction of trying to extend the exhale, and I began to just breathe, but keep the same frame of mind where I'm concentrating on my breath.  I was pleased to find myself sinking deeper and deeper, and finally reached that state of clarity that I occasionally reach when I've had a "good" meditation.  I don't know how long I sat there, but eventually I got up and went back to bed.  My dog was waiting for my return, and he snuggled up to me with his head on my chest.  I kept that state of calm and clarity as I lie in bed, and eventually floated into a pleasant slumber with the waterfall-like sounds of a puppy snoring on my chest.  It was quite a beautiful morning.

My Yoga Story

In 2001, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I lost both of my breasts and spent the next year undergoing cancer treatments.  Two years later I had uterine bleeding and, because of the risk of uterine cancer from the cancer treatments, I opted for a salpingo-oophorectomy (lost uterus, fallopian tubes, and cervix).

 

I tried to have breast reconstructions, and the pain from the expanders and the subsequent implants was so intense (felt like I was having a heart attack every time I breathed), that I went to my plastic surgeon one day and said "take them out".

 

So....  today I have nothing that in the past has defined me as a woman.  It's been a VERY VERY long 8 years, and god knows I've suffered from every possible ailment since then, I believe because of the cancer treatments -- depression, ulcers, diverticulitis, arthritis, diabetes, terrible hot flashes, back pain that was so severe my back refused to hold my body up....  If you were to see me naked, you'd see how terribly deformed my body is.  The mastectomies left my chest not just flat, but hollow, all the way through my armpits.  I can put my hand over my heart and actually feel my heart through my ribs.

 

I'm telling you this not because I want sympathy, but because I want you to know that whatever happens to you and your body, you'll find that it's all ok.  I could lose an arm or a leg today and I know that, other than the pain-in-the-butt it would cause my life, as far as my image of myself, it would not be a big deal.  It would never make me feel any less about myself or embarrassed or ashamed.  Anyone who makes me feel that way, it's their problem not mine.  It took a LONG time for me to get to this place, so it didn't come for free.

 

One of the things that I've learned throughout this entire process of redefining who I am as a woman and as a human being is that the "strength" that it takes to accept yourself is there.  You don't think it is, because you never had to tap into it before.  And you can look at other people and think "they have what it takes, but I don't".  But it's not true at all.  To get what it takes to gain this acceptance of who you really are, search.  Your answers will be different from my answers, the means whereby are not important.  What's important is that you find your answers.  Someone or some group or some web site or some book -- even a store clerk somewhere -- is there with your answers.  You just need to be there paying attention and listening.  And once you find someone whose message speaks to you, then you can keep investigating until you come to a deadend.  Then backup, and keep searching until you find someone else.  All of these things that you learn will help you build a toolkit to live by that's customized just for you.

 

Yoga is one of the things that I've put into my toolkit.  I started doing yoga about 8 months ago.  My husband John was doing Richard Hittleman's "Yoga in 28 Days" book for his back.  That book has a statement to the effect that "if you do these 28 days of yoga religiously, you'll find that you can never go a day without yoga again".  Getting through those 28 days was tough -- I couldn't even do a cobra pose when I started.  But I found that Hittleman was right.  I began to expect my yoga workouts every day.  It was more than the flexibility and strengthening, it was also the amazing calm that it presented in my mind when I did my meditations.

 

After continuing with Hittleman's maintenance routines for a couple of months I decided to graduate to something more intermediate.  I graduated to "Moving Toward Balance, 8 Weeks of Yoga with Rodney Yee".  Again, it was a challenge for me.  1/4 of the poses in the book I couldn't even begin to complete.  The rest of them were just plain hard.  After I finished "Moving Toward Balance" once or twice, I bought a DvD called "Power Yoga with Rodney Yee".  At first I could only do 15 minutes of that DvD.  I did my 15 minutes of the DvD in the mornings, and continued with the "Moving Toward Balance" book in the evening.  I kept with the DvD, and added a pose at a time as my body learned to do the poses, until I could do the entire 65 minute routine.

 

Now, 8 months later, I do anywhere from 1 to 2 hours of yoga every day.  I either do the DvD or I do one of the routines in "Moving Toward Balance" chapter 8 -- and occasionally, if I have time, I'll do both.

 

I always thought of yoga as just a stretching thing and wondered why I would want to make my workouts just stretching with no aerobics or strengthening.  I never saw the need for something like yoga -- maybe a little stretching, but the full yoga seemed like overkill, and for people who had more patience for that sort of thing than me.  The amazing thing that I've learned is that by some incredible miracle yoga provides me with everything.  I live in a town whose streets are mainly hills, so bicycling around town requires lots of hill training.  Before my yoga, if I wasn't hill trained, it would take me months before I could comfortably bicycle the hills around town.  After yoga I discovered I can get on my bike with no conditioning and tackle the hills with no problems whatsoever -- standing on my pedals up the long hills even.

 

I recently climbed a mountain that in the past left me out of breath when I peaked.  This time, before I knew it I had made the round trip, and I felt like I could easily have done it again.  There's no end to the discoveries I'm making in what my body can do now.

 

When I scuba dive, my tank lasts forever.  My yoga makes my underwater experience completely meditative and calming.  The breathing that I do in my yoga seems to give me such a huge aerobic capacity that it feels like my body is optimizing every single breath and I don't need to strain at all to get oxygen.

 

After my cancer treatments, I was told I could never lift anything more than 5 pounds again for the rest of my life, because of the risk of lymphedema from loss of lymph nodes in my armpits.  For 7 years I babied my arms with paranoia, and they became flaccid from lack of use and lost all of their strength.  After 8 months of daily yoga routines, I can now do the 20 or so full pushups from the Power Yoga DvD.  I can do the two 30-second handstands from my Chapter 8 routines.

 

At the time of my cancer diagnosis, as I was recovering from surgery, I found that I had also developed a frozen shoulder.  I went through many months of fairly painful physical therapy and finally got my arm to the point where it was about 85% of its full range of motion.  I recently discovered that my right side had been starting to get the same frozen shoulder issue.  I don't think I ever would have noticed the problem creaping up on my right side if I hadn't been involved in the intense self-awareness that yoga gives me.  I've been working on that for the past month or so, and that arm is recovering.  At this point, both of my arms are at 100% range of motion (as far as I can tell).

 

I can go on and on about the things that work for me in my life -- The Body Ecology diet (www.bodyecology.com) which has been the foundation of the rules that I live by for nurturing my body through paying attention to the foods that I put in it;  my spirituality which has allowed me to define how I will live the rest of my life so that when my time comes to die, I will know that I fulfilled my life's purpose.

 

So, yoga is not EVERYTHING to me, it's just one of many things in my life that has been critical to helping me lead a healthy and happy life. 

 

I have love in me to bestow on my family and friends.  I get up every morning and look forward  to my day with eagerness and energy.  I can catch myself the very minute I start getting overstressed and recognize "ok, that was the pizza I had for lunch", or "such-and-such a situation is stressing me out", or "I'm overworked", and instead of letting it fester out of control, I can reach into my toolkit and do something about it to nip it in the bud.

 

Even though I've always abhored the phrase "cancer has made me a better person", deep down inside, because my cancer has given me the challenge to step up to the plate, I have to admit that it has provided me with the motivation I needed to straighten up my life and make my life worth living.  Yoga has been one of the products of that challenge.  Instead of being 10 years older, yoga has made me 10 years younger.  I didn't start off by wanting to be younger or wanting to be skinnier.  I don't think you ever get these things by seeking youth or weight loss as a goal.  I got these things by just wanting my life to have meaning and purpose and joy.

Changing my yoga routine, and learning about twists

I have changed my routine slightly.  Instead of doing Power Yoga every morning, I'm now doing Power Yoga on weekend mornings and cycling through the lessons in Chapter 8 of "Moving Toward Balance, 8 Weeks of Yoga with Rodney Yee" on weekday evenings.  Doing evening workouts fits in better with my schedule.  I am weaning myself off of sleeping pills, and I can only do that by planning my schedule to accommodate just that one goal.  That means allowing myself to go to bed when I'm sleepy (instead of trying to force myself to bed when I think I should), and allowing myself to waking up late, which means skipping my morning workouts.

 

So my daily schedule is more like, (1) wake up and do some sitting meditation if I have time (2) do morning pre-work preparations (3) go to work (4) come home and cook and eat, (5) let my food digest for an hour or so, (6) do my evening yoga.  Most of the time it means starting my evening yoga at 9:30 or later and ending at 11:30 or later, and then going to bed and reading and falling asleep naturally when I'm exhausted.  I'm also drinking a glass of green drink after my yoga workouts to flush toxins.  I'm trying an experiment and committing myself to doing that no matter what time of day my yoga workouts occur at.  That means getting up frequently during the night...  which also pushes my getting out of bed time to later.  It's a bit of a strange sleep schedule, but so far it seem to work better, because it removes imposing rules, which in itself I think causes me stress which makes the sleep issues worse.

 

One of the things that I'm liking about doing Chapter 8 routines instead of Power Yoga every day is that my body gets a lot more variation in the different workouts.  For instance, last night was twisting (my arch nemesis workout).  The Power Yoga with Rodney Yee DvD only has one true twisting pose, which is very short in duration.  True, the triangle, side angle, pyramid, warrior I and such are forms of twisting, but for the forms that really focus on the twist, the DvD only does the cross-legged twist.  Chapter 8's twist routine does about 5 or 6 different twists, which end in Lord of the Fishes, which really gets deep into my body.

 

Now that I'm getting more time with my arch nemesis, twisting, I'm concentrating on really understanding them.  Lately I've been just starting with barely any twisting at all.  Just starting with my back straight and shoulders back, and then VERY VERY slowly, with each breath, easing into the twist and feeling the space around my spine releasing at I very gradually twist more.  I'm finding that this is allowing my body to have a much better understanding of what it is supposed to do.  Up until now I think I've been trying too hard to get into the twist, and finding it frustrating, because then I feel my torso slumping more, which I know is not the correct posture for the twist.

 

As an aside...  another interesting thing about my new routine of no Power Yoga every morning --- my daily back ache seems better -- as though I'm giving it time to recover.  Possibly the variation in the workouts is healthier for my body.

Treating my Body as a Holy Temple

The last few days back at home from travelling I've been feeing drained and ill.  Last night I came home from work and collapsed in front of the TV and spent the evening watching a movie.  I'd been attributing this to jet leg.  But now I'm beginning to realize that these are my classic detox symptoms.  Two weeks away from my normal diet has cost me.  I've been gradually coming to a philosophy of "eat less and make what you eat REALLY count".  That means organic, lots of fresh veggies, no candies, pastries, or other sugary foods, no red meat, no eating like a pig.  I violated all of those dictates.

 

One of the things I'm beginning to realize is, yoga has made me really view my body as a holy temple.  I used to hear that a lot when I was involved in the Christian movement, many many years ago.....  but it takes education to understand how to convert that to something practical that you can implement in your own life.  And I think that it's different for everyone, so what works for one person does not work for another.  The trick that I haven't learned is how to treat my body as a holy temple when I'm out with others or not in my routine.  This is a serious path of growth that I need to incorporate into my life somehow.

I can't go without my morning yoga!

I've spent the past few weeks travelling. When I came, I packed my Power Yoga with Rodney Yee DvD, but didn't know if there was a DvD player here. I also brought my book, "Moving Toward Balance: Yoga in 8 weeks with Rodney Yee". On the first morning away from home, I couldn't find a DvD player, so I decided to try to "wing it" through the DvD by memorization. I was so happy with myself. Having done the DvD every day for the past 6 months or so, I did the entire 65 minute routine by memory.

In the meantime, I did find a DvD player, but I continued to do my morning routine by memorization. Doing the routine without the DvD takes about 1 1/2 to 2 hours, since I make use of the luxury of getting to spend more time in poses. One of the problems with the DvD is sometimes I reach the point where I think "Yes, I get it!" And my muscles juuuusssttt start to begin relaxing into a pose when Rodney says "come up, right foot back..... blah blah blah" and mentally I think "damn him!" :)

Since leaving home, I realize something new about my yoga. (There is no end to what you're learning about yoga) My morning yoga is like morning coffee is for other people. I watch the people around me racing to the local coffee shop for a coffee and pastry. They say "I can't go without my morning coffee and pastry!" Then they spend the rest of the day talking at a million miles an hour and getting stressed out. My yoga does exactly the same thing to me as coffee and donuts do to them, except I find myself doing a lot more listening throughout my day and a lot less talking, and taking more deep breaths instead of getting stressed out. I can't go without my morning yoga!

The other day I climbed a local mountain. It's a fairly short hike, about 4 miles round trip to the peak and back. I wondered how much I'd be able to do without getting winded, since I haven't been doing much climbing or walking. I found myself reaching the peak before I could even begin to be out of breath. Before I knew it I had made the round trip. If it hadn't been getting dark, I'm tempted to believe I could have done twice the distance. Is it that yoga is aerobic, or is it that yoga makes my body so strong? I haven't yet been able to answer that question.

And now I don't wonder why 1/2 of my suitcase is consumed by my yoga mat, books, DvD, strap, headband, and sweatpants.

I miss home so though.....

Downward Facing Dog and Upward Facing Dog

My frozen shoulder  issues seem to be getting better.  I'm amazed at how it could be healing so quickly.  I can only imagine that yoga has caught the problem before it has actually become a full-blown frozen shoulder, and also that yoga has allowed my body to learn quicker by being more readily agreeable to relaxing into the pain.

 

My yoga growth seems to never end.  Lately Downward Facing Dog and Upward Facing Dog have taken on new meanings.  It used to be that I'd get into Downward Facing Dog, and in my mind I'd be thinking, "ok, I'm here...  so what?".  That was the first stage of my DFD growth.  Then, I did more reading and studying of the pose, and realized that I should be pushing into my legs so that my calves were getting stretched.  So I worked on pushing into my legs and getting those calves loosened.  I interspersed that with stretching my arms and back.

 

Now, though, I find myself being a lot more fluid in my DFD's.  I get into the position, and stretch my ankles, and stretch through my right side, and then my left side...  and then it becomes as though I was doing a huge yawn through my entire body.  When Rodney Yee says to stay in DFD for 30 seconds or 1 minute in "Moving Toward Balance: Yoga in 8 Weeks with Rodney Yee", I used to get into position and stay there, and it would feel like forever.  Now I get into position, but then stretch here, and then there, and then do a huge "yawn" through my spine, and the entire pose is like stroking myself as though I were a dog and master as the same time.  I find this transformation in my perception and abilities quite nice.

 

The same enlightenment has come to me about Upward Facing Dog.  There's something in my back that "cracks", when I'm starting to loosen my spine through doing this pose.  It's most evident in the Power Yoga with Rodney Yee DvD, where you do a gazilion of them.  Once I've reached this loosening stage, then the pose becomes one of stretching and tractioning my spine, and feels so exhiliarating.

 

I can't miss a day of yoga now.  It's etched into my being.  The day that I skip my workout, I can feel my body doing virtual flips all day long.  "Huh?  where....  what....  where's my stretching?  Where's my mind grounding?  What's up?  What's down?"  It's discombobulated.

More On My Frozen Shoulder, and "Full Moon Feast" by Jessica Prentice

I've been working on my frozen shoulder for the past couple of days.  Could it be due to inflammation associated with doing 3 hours of yoga a day?  I cut down the yoga back to one hour.  Either a Power Yoga session, or a Week 8 session.  Not both.

 

I'm still learning how to read my body and know my limits.  My inclination is to quit yoga and give my body a rest.  But my intuition tells me that would be the absolute worst thing to do, and at my age, making mistakes like that would mean a sudden decrease in my well-being and good health.  So..... I half my yoga committment and keep up the work on recovering my shoulder back to working order.

 

I've been reading the book Full Moon Feast http://www.wisefoodways.com/moons/ by Jessica Prentice.  A fascinating look at food and how it has fit into man's cultural evolution.  It fills me with a deep respect and sense of spiritual gratitude for the food that I eat.

Frozen Shoulders and changing the world through yoga

I have been ultra-sensitive to all issues surrounding my right arm lately.  It entered my consciousness the other day when trying to do a reclining backbend over a block that I'm developing a frozen shoulder on that side.  Certain positions above my head cause an intense stabbing pain.  This is the exact sort of pain I had in my left arm when it was frozen, at the time of my breast cancer diagnosis.  In certain positions the sudden and intense pain that the arm would send coursing through my body would literally throw me to the ground screaming.  It was like an electrical current zapping through me.  It took many many months of dedication to my physical therapy (2-3 hours a day working on painful arm stretching exercises), but with my dedication I was able to bring my arm back to about 80% of its original range of motion.  Today I have very little to no limitation due to the frozen shoulder.  I do have limited motion due to the mastectomy and losing a pretty large chunk of underarm tissue through that.

 

Now that I'm aware that my right arm is developing the same condition, I can recall that I've been feeling this for the past couple of months.  I think the yoga has been quietly helping me work through it,  and that is why it is not any worse.  So I am finding ways to reproduce the painful positions and then holding them for minutes at a time throughout the day.

 

If it weren't for my yoga, I would be ignoring all of the signs of this problem and I would be having to deal with a much more serious issue.  The more I discover about what yoga does fo rme, the more I can't imagine what life is like for people who are slowly losing their strength, balance, and range of motion through their aging and who won't ever know it until it's too late.

 

If I had to change the world with only one thing, it wouldn't be to impose my religion on everyone, or my political views, or my moral views.  It would be to give everyone yoga.

Does Truth really exist?

I went cross-country skiing today, with the sleet coming down.  I thought about fear and what causes it.  We live on a hill, and so the top and bottom part of the circular trail are relatively flat, but going up and down on either side is a bit steep and windy, and the trail is surrounded by woods.  I've never been able to ski down these downhills without imagining my body going splat against a tree, and so the fear has always kept me either inching down little by little or taking my skiis off and walking down.

 

Today for some reason the fear which has plagued me disappeared.  I found myself zipping down the trail.  I even almost hit John, but snowplowed to a controlled stop.  I was very pleased at this new experience, and pleased at the thought that the world is NEVER black and white.  There are NEVER absolutes.  Just as my fear of doing this hill was something that I thought was permanently etched in my mind and my body, so the thoughts that so often cross my mind when I'm doing yoga that a pose can never ever be attained seem to be absolute fact.  And yet my body proves over and over that these "absolute facts" are really fantasy stories that my mind has made up.

 

It gives me pause to wonder....  what other fantasy stories has my mind created about my life or the world I live in?

Body aching. Am I being too demanding of it?

Last night I was doing day 2 of week 6.   When I tried doing the reclining backbend over the block (with the strap around the arms), I had a sharp stabbing pain in my right shoulder.  It was the exact same pain I felt when I had a frozen shoulder (about the time of my cancer diagnosis) on my left side.  I worked with it a little, and this morning worked with it.  I will keep going into that position before my workouts and trying to ease my arm through that position until I can work through the issue there.  Yoga gives you such an ability to inspect your body at deep levels that you would never get otherwise.  I think for that alone, it is something that is well worthwhile.  It never ceases to amaze me at how many people of influence talk about how yoga can overstretch you or doesn't provide enough aerobic or strength training, or isn't a decent exercise modality for whatever other reason.  Those reviews are what have kept me from pursuing it for all of these years.  How different my life might have turned out if I'd been where I am today 30 years ago.

 

Doing the week 8 workouts in the evening and the DvD in the morning might be too much for me.  My body is completely worn out.  Everything is tired and aches.  I'm not sure if I should back-off or keep pushing myself at this level until my body is conditioned to tolerate it.  The last thing I want to do is injure myself.  I do love the week 8 evening workout, though, and I love the DvD morning workout.  But they're both long.  Each week 8 lesson is 1 1/2-2 hours, and the Power Yoga DvD is 65 minutes.

Aching, creaking body

My back is killing me today, and my entire body hurt when I did my yoga this morning. I think it's because I did day 1 of week 8 in "Moving Toward Balance: Yoga in 8 weeks with Rodney yee" last night. The last week of the book contains much more intense workouts than previous weeks. That's a good thing for me, since I think I'm ready to move past the basics of the previous 7 weeks. Still, I can't deny that my entire body aches and creaks. Even the very act of raising my arms from standing forward bend to standing backbend hurts :P

The Beef you're eating. Triangle and half moon poses

Today's DelanceyPlace email was an interesting description that shows a bit about the life of the cow that you eat.  Does it matter that we do this to cows?  After all, they're born to be "slaves" and subservient to us, and they can't talk back, and they can't think and they have no feelings.  Or do they?

 

http://delanceyplace.blogspot.com/2009/01/delanceyplace_27.html

 

My latest little bit of yoga enlightenment concerns the triangle and half moon poses, where the top arm goes straight up in the air and the bottom arm straight down to the ground.  The proper positioning of the torso in these positions is to be turned in the same plane as the arms.  These are the hard positions for me to do, because my body seems to be tremendously asymmetrical.  On one side, I can turn my torso fairly easily.  On the other side, my entire torso sort of sits there pointed at the floor, as though there's no other way to be in that position.  So on that side, I find myself constantly in a dialog "lengthen and relax my waist, try rotating my hips...  not rotating? ok, go back to trying to keep my waist relaxed..  etc."  Lately, though, instead of that dialog, I'm thinking about the connection between my top and bottom arms.  If I think about them being on a sort of pole, going right across my chest, then it seems as though that image helps to get my torso moving in the right configuration.  It's especially useful in the half moon where you're just sort of dangling on one leg and losing the perspective that you have with two feet on the ground.  Having that connection between my two arms gives my body a frame of reference upon which to align itself.

 

I so enjoy the rest of the DvD after the upward bow.  It's a huge gentle hand that passes over my body after 40 minutes of drill sergeant yoga.  I'm probably being a little over-dramatic, since if you watch Rodney Yee, he seems all but drill sergeant.  But try doing what he's doing....

The Tao of Healthy Eating, body brushing, and neti

My thighs are sore today.  Since I haven't been doing much else in the realm of exercising, it must be the leg stretches in the last segment of Power Yoga with Rodney Yee DvD.  I think I've been pushing the stretching.  But it feels soooo good to get into the deep muscles of my legs and back.  Such a release, after all these months of asking for so much from them, to be giving something enjoyable back to them.

 

A man at my local health food store recommended I read the book "The Tao of Healthy Eating" by Bob Flaws.  He states in that book that cooking (not overcooking) vegetables is the best way to eat them.  So, I am doing less vegetable juicing and more cooking over the past week.  One of the benefits is that dinners are much easier, either cooked or eating left over soup.  Juicing is a huge time sink, however wonderful it makes me feel.  Tonight I ate a tiny bowl of left over squash soup and fermented vegetables for dinner.  The book also says to eat like a king for breakfast, a merchant for lunch, and a pauper for dinner.  So in the interest of not having a ton of food in my stomach for my evening yoga/tai chi practice, I am attempting to follow that very philosophy.

 

Two changes in the way of cleaning my body that I've done lately, thanks to yoga articles that I keep reading.  One is doing the neti pot to clean out the sinuses, and another is to use a before-bath brush to loosen dead skin that has grown from the day before.  I am doing those two things daily now.  The neti cleaning seems to make my nose very dry in this already-dry winter weather, however, but perhaps it's keeping me from getting sick.  So far no serious illnesses this flu season.

Taking off the Blinders

I read this recent post by a friend this morning: 

http://irishsea-mark.blogspot.com/2009/01/luck.html.

 

We can spend our lives thinking about the "if only"'s, or we can look at the here and now and with the tools we have, ask ourselves "how can I live my life today so that I can be the best that I can be and leave the world a better place for my having lived in it?"

 

As far as I've been able to tell, only the latter view of life will gain you happiness.  Anything less destroys any hope of your life having any meaning.

 

Another friend posted a link to a dramatic video this morning:  http://www.maniacworld.com/are-you-going-to-finish-strong.html .  I love this video, because it so beautifully points out that life is not at all about being the "ideal" physical human being, if there ever were such a thing -- nor having all of the things laid before you that society swears are prerequisites to living a full and happy life.  It's about remaining focused on doing what you need to do, in spite of what everyone else tells you you can and cannot do, to realize your dreams and goals.

 

Is it possible to even imagine what magic the collective human race would be able to achieve if we all were able to take off our blinders and see this incredible potential?

 

I thank my friends for opening my eyes today.

Moving my yoga to the next level

My yoga practice is at a plateau and needs to progress to another level, I think.  Last night I did lesson 2 of week 6, and I realized that lately I feel bored with my "Moving Toward Balance 8 Weeks with Rodney Yee" lessons.  The props are tedious to set up and I feel like spending an entire week working on just one thing is not working for me any more.  I've already been through the book a couple of times, so I think that I am ready to jump to week 8 and begin cycling through it for my daily practice.  The last time I did week 8, I felt that it was too much -- each day takes at least an hour -- and some of the poses I felt I needed more practice on.  But now, I believe that I might be ready to do that.  If I can't do an hour every day, then I will work on trying to figure out how to whittle down the 8-week lessons into briefer sessions.  That way I can get my inversions into every days practice as well.

 

I think the Power Yoga with Rodney Yee has done wonders in bringing me to this point.  I will continue to do what I'm currently doing which is doing the Power Yoga DvD every morning and then lay aside at least 20 minutes for yoga/tai chi work in the evenings.

 

I do a handstand every morning before starting the Power Yoga DvD.  I'm still doing about 25 seconds and not much more.  Even 25 seconds of handstand makes the push ups in the DvD tough towards the end.

More on the Handstand, and Thwumping the wall in Wide Angle Forward Bend

I've been studying the handstand lately.  How come sometimes I just go up, gracefully and effortlessly, and sometimes, just the contrary, I kick and kick and my fight-or-flight fear response builds up to the point where the fear itself overwhelms my ability to kick?  Last night I stumbled upon the thought that it had something to do with my arms being bent a bit before I begin my kick.  I explored that.  With my arms bent, it seems that they have more ability to somehow take part in positioning my body as my feet are rising.  So, I'm not just kicking against gravity, but I'm kicking up and then getting somehow pulled up by my arms.  I showed my revelation to John, and he just shook his head, not understanding it.  I don't understand it myself.  But I believe I'm on to something when I say that I think the key to an effortless handstand lies in the arms being bent a bit in the starting position.

 

Every time I do the Power Yoga with Rodney Yee (which is every morning) recently, I have to smile to myself when I get to the Wide Angle Forward Bend.  Rodney says to put the back of your head to the ground.  Well, the key question here is, "how the heck does one put the crown of their head to the ground when the top of their head just barely grazes it?"  A couple of weeks ago I decided, what the heck, I'll just do what he says and put the crown of my head to the floor.  Well, in order to do that, it means I have to lean forward and forward and forward.  I managed to get it done, but within seconds found myself somersaulting into the wall in front of me, crashing into it with an explosive thwump.  It was hilariously funny.  I loved the laughter that yoga gave me that day :)

Observing the relationship between the shoulderblades and the sacrum

Since I've been able to do the entire Power Yoga with Rodney Yee DvD things have dramatically opened up for me.  The upward bow positions, which at first caused me severe pain, are becoming positions that I'm gradually learning to look forward to.  More importantly, though, is that the stretches in the last 20 minutes or so provide an amazing sense of relaxation in my body and mind.  I'm so grateful I didn't quit when I thought about it a couple of months ago.  Quitting the DvD before learning to do the complete workout does not do it justice.  It's become a ritual of welcoming, gratitude, and petitioning to my day now.

 

One of my latest observations has been the relationship between the shoulders and the sacrum.  This is a phrase that Rodney uses over and over in different positions.  "Observe the relationship between your shoulder blades and your sacrum" he loves to say.  The other day I was doing week 6 day 1 in the book "Moving Towards Balance 8 weeks of yoga with Rodney Yee", and he suggested observing the relationship between the shoulder blades and the sacrum while in downward facing dog.  By playing around with my positioning I can identify those muscles that tie those points together.  It's quite something to be able to do that by someone who, up until now has not ever had a clue about her body other than the fact that it was a source of great pain and tremendous inconvenience.

 

I've been doing the handstand daily, in order to facilitate my understanding of how to gracefully enter into that position.  One of the observations that John and I both have had is that, if you can't make it up on your first kick, every subsequent try weakens you more and more.  It seems that you have only so-many tries and then you may as well get up and go do something else and come back later, because your body will only get more and more exhausted trying.  There is still a point of fear that I feel, and I think that contributes to the sense of exhaustion with each attempt.

What makes a person search?

Last night I started reading the book "The Wisdom of Yoga" by Stephen Cope.  I found myself wondering...  "what is the nuance in a person that makes him/her search?"  I find myself never content with myself.  I'm always searching...  searching... searching...  for the answers.  The answers to life, to myself, to my higher purpose...  And yet, most of the people around me seem quite content to be whoever they happen to be at the moment, and never give one thought to it.  What is it in me that makes me tick differently?  What is it exactly that makes life so unsettled for me?

"Impossible" doesn't exist

I had two major discoveries over the past 2 days.  Yesterday I was googling yoga poses, as I do periodically to read more about what others have to say about the poses I'm doing.  I discovered quite by accident that my hero's pose, which I've always thought was a simple sitting on your feet pose isn't sitting on your feet at all.  Your feet are actually to the side of your butt.  That changes the pose dramatically for me, and now I have to learn a new post :)

 

The second discovery was that I could do the handstand.  The handstand has always been my nemesis.  I've been able to do it in the doorway with no problem whatsoever, and it feels effortless.  But kicking against the wall has been an exercise in overcoming horrible fright -- the fright of my arms collapsing and my plunging body crushing my head and neck.  I've been kicking and kicking and feeling like I'm getting nowhere.  The wall just never seems to be there for me.

 

Last night I asked John to lift my legs and put it against the wall (as I do regularly) so I could feel the final position.  It seemed as though my legs and my back were bending so far back, it felt very stressful to my entire body.  And my arms were seriously overstressed.  I was frustrated, and so decided to quit and continue to periodically work on it, and vowed to keep doing it in the doorway until I could learn it the "proper" way, kicking against the wall.  This morning, after my Power Yoga workout, I did a handstand in the doorway and studied my positioning.  My legs and back did not arch way back, and my legs and arms were at ease.  It's been baffling to me that the doorway has felt so simple and yet against the wall so incredibly frightening and hard.

 

I noticed that my starting position in the doorway is with my head and back supported along the door jamb, as I walk my feet up the other jamb.  I'd already decided long ago that the proper starting position when kicking to the wall was with hands about 3 inches away from the wall and back and head not supported by the wall in the initial kick.  This morning I decided to support them and try the kick.  I was shocked beyond belief that after about 2 kicks I found myself in a handstand.  Is part of the reason I was able to do this that my arms are much stronger now?  Am I better at analyzing my yoga poses?  I can't explain how this exact same experiment which failed so miserably 5 months ago happened almost with no fanfare this morning.

 

Yoga continues to teach me that one of the great lessons in life is that there is no such thing as impossible.  Life's been tough going since my breast cancer treatments in 2001.  It's not the cancer itself that is the issue -- I never felt or saw that.  It's the challenge of the cancer and my treatments forcing upon me all of the things I've neglected my entire life -- my physical, spiritual, and mental well-being.

 

For all of these years, I've thought that I would never use my arms for anything significant again in my life.  This morning I did the 20 or so push-ups that the Power Yoga DvD sends you through, breezed through the triangle, side angle, and upward bow poses, and did the pyramid pose with my hands in namaste behind my back.  Then I did a 20-second handstand.

 

Just as I do my yoga poses and every day I feel some tiny muscle that fussed yesterday giving in today, and I feel those tiny muscles every day giving in little by little, I'm also finding that little by little I'm gaining my courage and my ability to see that "impossible" just doesn't exist.

Bringing workouts into my non-workout world

This morning Power Yoga Total Body with Rodney Yee workout was so great.  I'm always surprised at how different my body feels from day to day.  Some days I can hardly do one pushup.  This morning my arms felt strong, and in the upward bow I managed to even begin to think about listening to my back.  Usually it's enough just that I get through it, much less bring my mind through the pain to actually observe.  Also, the ending leg stretches felt so fantastically refreshing and rejuvenating.  All in all it was a good yoga morning.

 

John and I went cross-country skiing a couple of days ago and I noticed that when you push and are gliding forward on one leg, you are in what is very similar to a warrior 3 yoga position.  And when your waist twists back and forth as your arms swing, the hip movement (and suppleness requirement) is very similar to what you do in tai chi.  Rodney Yee says "breathe into your lower back" on some poses, and I find that breathing into my lower back to keep its fluidity as I ski is very helpful.

 

John mentioned an article, or book (I can't remember exactly) which was about how we associate "working out" with going to the gym or taking classes;  but in actuality, we are missing a very important attitude we should be taking where the very act of living our lives should be viewed as a workout.  For instance, when I get water from the water cooler at work, I can either lean down and press the lever, or I can squat, and by squatting mindfully and slowly up and down, both strengthen my quads and practice keeping my spine erect but relaxed.

 

So I love it when I find myself integrating my "work outs" into my daily life like when I'm cross country skiing (or at the water cooler :P).  Lately I make a big point of putting my shoes and socks on and washing my feet in the shower with a one-legged stance, and doing them in slo-mo so that my balance, coordination, and strengthening are enhanced.

Yoga and the Gift of Thankfulness

I have finally graduated to being able to do the entire Power Yoga by Rodney Yee workout.  Most of the last portion is leg stretching which I'm discovering I've been sorely needing.

 

I have added on, at the recommendation of my dear husband, a tai chi video by Terence (Terry) Dunn.  It's a magnificent video -- very simple in presentation, but precise and methodically taught.  The warm-up by itself is 50 minutes long.  I only dedicate 20 minutes to it, squeezing it in in the evening when I can.

 

I think slower is more my style than lots of information/forms/poses.  I find that I need time to think over what I'm doing and practice a small thing over and over and over.  Maybe this is why it's taken me 6 months of daily workouts to finally be able to get through the Power Yoga DvD.  Yoga has become so much a part of my daily routine that without my morning yoga workout, I feel that I cannot begin the day with a worshipful, thankful attitude.  The attitude says "now there can be no disasters in my day".

 

One thing interesting that I've noticed is that the Power Yoga DvD does not make one a yogi.  I dedicate my evenings to juicing vegetables and puttering in the kitchen with my diet and such, and so don't always have the time for my evening workouts from the "Moving Towards Balance, Yoga in 8 weeks with Rodney Yee" book.  When I do it now, I get a tremendous workout.  I'm surprised, since I'm so dedicated to the Power Yoga DvD morning workouts.  I discover, though, that the Power Yoga gives me a maintenance workout, but the "real" yoga comes from holding the poses longer and doing more inversions.  In those ways I feel that I learn more self-perception and gain more meditative qualities to my yoga.  Plus, it's just plain harder to hold, say, a side-angle bend or warrior 2  for 45 seconds.  I find that in that pain of holding those poses is where my mind searches for the ease in my body and where I find the liberation.

 

I still continue to find over and over the life-changing benefits of my daily yoga practice.  Maybe some of it comes from the fact that yoga makes one respectful of ones body.  And even when I'm being bad to my body by eating badly or whatever, it's still with an overall knowledge that there's a pristine, pure, worthwhile being inside, and that's a wonderful gift that I'm grateful to have.