Frozen Shoulders and changing the world through yoga

I have been ultra-sensitive to all issues surrounding my right arm lately.  It entered my consciousness the other day when trying to do a reclining backbend over a block that I'm developing a frozen shoulder on that side.  Certain positions above my head cause an intense stabbing pain.  This is the exact sort of pain I had in my left arm when it was frozen, at the time of my breast cancer diagnosis.  In certain positions the sudden and intense pain that the arm would send coursing through my body would literally throw me to the ground screaming.  It was like an electrical current zapping through me.  It took many many months of dedication to my physical therapy (2-3 hours a day working on painful arm stretching exercises), but with my dedication I was able to bring my arm back to about 80% of its original range of motion.  Today I have very little to no limitation due to the frozen shoulder.  I do have limited motion due to the mastectomy and losing a pretty large chunk of underarm tissue through that.

 

Now that I'm aware that my right arm is developing the same condition, I can recall that I've been feeling this for the past couple of months.  I think the yoga has been quietly helping me work through it,  and that is why it is not any worse.  So I am finding ways to reproduce the painful positions and then holding them for minutes at a time throughout the day.

 

If it weren't for my yoga, I would be ignoring all of the signs of this problem and I would be having to deal with a much more serious issue.  The more I discover about what yoga does fo rme, the more I can't imagine what life is like for people who are slowly losing their strength, balance, and range of motion through their aging and who won't ever know it until it's too late.

 

If I had to change the world with only one thing, it wouldn't be to impose my religion on everyone, or my political views, or my moral views.  It would be to give everyone yoga.

Does Truth really exist?

I went cross-country skiing today, with the sleet coming down.  I thought about fear and what causes it.  We live on a hill, and so the top and bottom part of the circular trail are relatively flat, but going up and down on either side is a bit steep and windy, and the trail is surrounded by woods.  I've never been able to ski down these downhills without imagining my body going splat against a tree, and so the fear has always kept me either inching down little by little or taking my skiis off and walking down.

 

Today for some reason the fear which has plagued me disappeared.  I found myself zipping down the trail.  I even almost hit John, but snowplowed to a controlled stop.  I was very pleased at this new experience, and pleased at the thought that the world is NEVER black and white.  There are NEVER absolutes.  Just as my fear of doing this hill was something that I thought was permanently etched in my mind and my body, so the thoughts that so often cross my mind when I'm doing yoga that a pose can never ever be attained seem to be absolute fact.  And yet my body proves over and over that these "absolute facts" are really fantasy stories that my mind has made up.

 

It gives me pause to wonder....  what other fantasy stories has my mind created about my life or the world I live in?

Body aching. Am I being too demanding of it?

Last night I was doing day 2 of week 6.   When I tried doing the reclining backbend over the block (with the strap around the arms), I had a sharp stabbing pain in my right shoulder.  It was the exact same pain I felt when I had a frozen shoulder (about the time of my cancer diagnosis) on my left side.  I worked with it a little, and this morning worked with it.  I will keep going into that position before my workouts and trying to ease my arm through that position until I can work through the issue there.  Yoga gives you such an ability to inspect your body at deep levels that you would never get otherwise.  I think for that alone, it is something that is well worthwhile.  It never ceases to amaze me at how many people of influence talk about how yoga can overstretch you or doesn't provide enough aerobic or strength training, or isn't a decent exercise modality for whatever other reason.  Those reviews are what have kept me from pursuing it for all of these years.  How different my life might have turned out if I'd been where I am today 30 years ago.

 

Doing the week 8 workouts in the evening and the DvD in the morning might be too much for me.  My body is completely worn out.  Everything is tired and aches.  I'm not sure if I should back-off or keep pushing myself at this level until my body is conditioned to tolerate it.  The last thing I want to do is injure myself.  I do love the week 8 evening workout, though, and I love the DvD morning workout.  But they're both long.  Each week 8 lesson is 1 1/2-2 hours, and the Power Yoga DvD is 65 minutes.

Aching, creaking body

My back is killing me today, and my entire body hurt when I did my yoga this morning. I think it's because I did day 1 of week 8 in "Moving Toward Balance: Yoga in 8 weeks with Rodney yee" last night. The last week of the book contains much more intense workouts than previous weeks. That's a good thing for me, since I think I'm ready to move past the basics of the previous 7 weeks. Still, I can't deny that my entire body aches and creaks. Even the very act of raising my arms from standing forward bend to standing backbend hurts :P

The Beef you're eating. Triangle and half moon poses

Today's DelanceyPlace email was an interesting description that shows a bit about the life of the cow that you eat.  Does it matter that we do this to cows?  After all, they're born to be "slaves" and subservient to us, and they can't talk back, and they can't think and they have no feelings.  Or do they?

 

http://delanceyplace.blogspot.com/2009/01/delanceyplace_27.html

 

My latest little bit of yoga enlightenment concerns the triangle and half moon poses, where the top arm goes straight up in the air and the bottom arm straight down to the ground.  The proper positioning of the torso in these positions is to be turned in the same plane as the arms.  These are the hard positions for me to do, because my body seems to be tremendously asymmetrical.  On one side, I can turn my torso fairly easily.  On the other side, my entire torso sort of sits there pointed at the floor, as though there's no other way to be in that position.  So on that side, I find myself constantly in a dialog "lengthen and relax my waist, try rotating my hips...  not rotating? ok, go back to trying to keep my waist relaxed..  etc."  Lately, though, instead of that dialog, I'm thinking about the connection between my top and bottom arms.  If I think about them being on a sort of pole, going right across my chest, then it seems as though that image helps to get my torso moving in the right configuration.  It's especially useful in the half moon where you're just sort of dangling on one leg and losing the perspective that you have with two feet on the ground.  Having that connection between my two arms gives my body a frame of reference upon which to align itself.

 

I so enjoy the rest of the DvD after the upward bow.  It's a huge gentle hand that passes over my body after 40 minutes of drill sergeant yoga.  I'm probably being a little over-dramatic, since if you watch Rodney Yee, he seems all but drill sergeant.  But try doing what he's doing....

The Tao of Healthy Eating, body brushing, and neti

My thighs are sore today.  Since I haven't been doing much else in the realm of exercising, it must be the leg stretches in the last segment of Power Yoga with Rodney Yee DvD.  I think I've been pushing the stretching.  But it feels soooo good to get into the deep muscles of my legs and back.  Such a release, after all these months of asking for so much from them, to be giving something enjoyable back to them.

 

A man at my local health food store recommended I read the book "The Tao of Healthy Eating" by Bob Flaws.  He states in that book that cooking (not overcooking) vegetables is the best way to eat them.  So, I am doing less vegetable juicing and more cooking over the past week.  One of the benefits is that dinners are much easier, either cooked or eating left over soup.  Juicing is a huge time sink, however wonderful it makes me feel.  Tonight I ate a tiny bowl of left over squash soup and fermented vegetables for dinner.  The book also says to eat like a king for breakfast, a merchant for lunch, and a pauper for dinner.  So in the interest of not having a ton of food in my stomach for my evening yoga/tai chi practice, I am attempting to follow that very philosophy.

 

Two changes in the way of cleaning my body that I've done lately, thanks to yoga articles that I keep reading.  One is doing the neti pot to clean out the sinuses, and another is to use a before-bath brush to loosen dead skin that has grown from the day before.  I am doing those two things daily now.  The neti cleaning seems to make my nose very dry in this already-dry winter weather, however, but perhaps it's keeping me from getting sick.  So far no serious illnesses this flu season.

Taking off the Blinders

I read this recent post by a friend this morning: 

http://irishsea-mark.blogspot.com/2009/01/luck.html.

 

We can spend our lives thinking about the "if only"'s, or we can look at the here and now and with the tools we have, ask ourselves "how can I live my life today so that I can be the best that I can be and leave the world a better place for my having lived in it?"

 

As far as I've been able to tell, only the latter view of life will gain you happiness.  Anything less destroys any hope of your life having any meaning.

 

Another friend posted a link to a dramatic video this morning:  http://www.maniacworld.com/are-you-going-to-finish-strong.html .  I love this video, because it so beautifully points out that life is not at all about being the "ideal" physical human being, if there ever were such a thing -- nor having all of the things laid before you that society swears are prerequisites to living a full and happy life.  It's about remaining focused on doing what you need to do, in spite of what everyone else tells you you can and cannot do, to realize your dreams and goals.

 

Is it possible to even imagine what magic the collective human race would be able to achieve if we all were able to take off our blinders and see this incredible potential?

 

I thank my friends for opening my eyes today.

Moving my yoga to the next level

My yoga practice is at a plateau and needs to progress to another level, I think.  Last night I did lesson 2 of week 6, and I realized that lately I feel bored with my "Moving Toward Balance 8 Weeks with Rodney Yee" lessons.  The props are tedious to set up and I feel like spending an entire week working on just one thing is not working for me any more.  I've already been through the book a couple of times, so I think that I am ready to jump to week 8 and begin cycling through it for my daily practice.  The last time I did week 8, I felt that it was too much -- each day takes at least an hour -- and some of the poses I felt I needed more practice on.  But now, I believe that I might be ready to do that.  If I can't do an hour every day, then I will work on trying to figure out how to whittle down the 8-week lessons into briefer sessions.  That way I can get my inversions into every days practice as well.

 

I think the Power Yoga with Rodney Yee has done wonders in bringing me to this point.  I will continue to do what I'm currently doing which is doing the Power Yoga DvD every morning and then lay aside at least 20 minutes for yoga/tai chi work in the evenings.

 

I do a handstand every morning before starting the Power Yoga DvD.  I'm still doing about 25 seconds and not much more.  Even 25 seconds of handstand makes the push ups in the DvD tough towards the end.

More on the Handstand, and Thwumping the wall in Wide Angle Forward Bend

I've been studying the handstand lately.  How come sometimes I just go up, gracefully and effortlessly, and sometimes, just the contrary, I kick and kick and my fight-or-flight fear response builds up to the point where the fear itself overwhelms my ability to kick?  Last night I stumbled upon the thought that it had something to do with my arms being bent a bit before I begin my kick.  I explored that.  With my arms bent, it seems that they have more ability to somehow take part in positioning my body as my feet are rising.  So, I'm not just kicking against gravity, but I'm kicking up and then getting somehow pulled up by my arms.  I showed my revelation to John, and he just shook his head, not understanding it.  I don't understand it myself.  But I believe I'm on to something when I say that I think the key to an effortless handstand lies in the arms being bent a bit in the starting position.

 

Every time I do the Power Yoga with Rodney Yee (which is every morning) recently, I have to smile to myself when I get to the Wide Angle Forward Bend.  Rodney says to put the back of your head to the ground.  Well, the key question here is, "how the heck does one put the crown of their head to the ground when the top of their head just barely grazes it?"  A couple of weeks ago I decided, what the heck, I'll just do what he says and put the crown of my head to the floor.  Well, in order to do that, it means I have to lean forward and forward and forward.  I managed to get it done, but within seconds found myself somersaulting into the wall in front of me, crashing into it with an explosive thwump.  It was hilariously funny.  I loved the laughter that yoga gave me that day :)

Observing the relationship between the shoulderblades and the sacrum

Since I've been able to do the entire Power Yoga with Rodney Yee DvD things have dramatically opened up for me.  The upward bow positions, which at first caused me severe pain, are becoming positions that I'm gradually learning to look forward to.  More importantly, though, is that the stretches in the last 20 minutes or so provide an amazing sense of relaxation in my body and mind.  I'm so grateful I didn't quit when I thought about it a couple of months ago.  Quitting the DvD before learning to do the complete workout does not do it justice.  It's become a ritual of welcoming, gratitude, and petitioning to my day now.

 

One of my latest observations has been the relationship between the shoulders and the sacrum.  This is a phrase that Rodney uses over and over in different positions.  "Observe the relationship between your shoulder blades and your sacrum" he loves to say.  The other day I was doing week 6 day 1 in the book "Moving Towards Balance 8 weeks of yoga with Rodney Yee", and he suggested observing the relationship between the shoulder blades and the sacrum while in downward facing dog.  By playing around with my positioning I can identify those muscles that tie those points together.  It's quite something to be able to do that by someone who, up until now has not ever had a clue about her body other than the fact that it was a source of great pain and tremendous inconvenience.

 

I've been doing the handstand daily, in order to facilitate my understanding of how to gracefully enter into that position.  One of the observations that John and I both have had is that, if you can't make it up on your first kick, every subsequent try weakens you more and more.  It seems that you have only so-many tries and then you may as well get up and go do something else and come back later, because your body will only get more and more exhausted trying.  There is still a point of fear that I feel, and I think that contributes to the sense of exhaustion with each attempt.

What makes a person search?

Last night I started reading the book "The Wisdom of Yoga" by Stephen Cope.  I found myself wondering...  "what is the nuance in a person that makes him/her search?"  I find myself never content with myself.  I'm always searching...  searching... searching...  for the answers.  The answers to life, to myself, to my higher purpose...  And yet, most of the people around me seem quite content to be whoever they happen to be at the moment, and never give one thought to it.  What is it in me that makes me tick differently?  What is it exactly that makes life so unsettled for me?

"Impossible" doesn't exist

I had two major discoveries over the past 2 days.  Yesterday I was googling yoga poses, as I do periodically to read more about what others have to say about the poses I'm doing.  I discovered quite by accident that my hero's pose, which I've always thought was a simple sitting on your feet pose isn't sitting on your feet at all.  Your feet are actually to the side of your butt.  That changes the pose dramatically for me, and now I have to learn a new post :)

 

The second discovery was that I could do the handstand.  The handstand has always been my nemesis.  I've been able to do it in the doorway with no problem whatsoever, and it feels effortless.  But kicking against the wall has been an exercise in overcoming horrible fright -- the fright of my arms collapsing and my plunging body crushing my head and neck.  I've been kicking and kicking and feeling like I'm getting nowhere.  The wall just never seems to be there for me.

 

Last night I asked John to lift my legs and put it against the wall (as I do regularly) so I could feel the final position.  It seemed as though my legs and my back were bending so far back, it felt very stressful to my entire body.  And my arms were seriously overstressed.  I was frustrated, and so decided to quit and continue to periodically work on it, and vowed to keep doing it in the doorway until I could learn it the "proper" way, kicking against the wall.  This morning, after my Power Yoga workout, I did a handstand in the doorway and studied my positioning.  My legs and back did not arch way back, and my legs and arms were at ease.  It's been baffling to me that the doorway has felt so simple and yet against the wall so incredibly frightening and hard.

 

I noticed that my starting position in the doorway is with my head and back supported along the door jamb, as I walk my feet up the other jamb.  I'd already decided long ago that the proper starting position when kicking to the wall was with hands about 3 inches away from the wall and back and head not supported by the wall in the initial kick.  This morning I decided to support them and try the kick.  I was shocked beyond belief that after about 2 kicks I found myself in a handstand.  Is part of the reason I was able to do this that my arms are much stronger now?  Am I better at analyzing my yoga poses?  I can't explain how this exact same experiment which failed so miserably 5 months ago happened almost with no fanfare this morning.

 

Yoga continues to teach me that one of the great lessons in life is that there is no such thing as impossible.  Life's been tough going since my breast cancer treatments in 2001.  It's not the cancer itself that is the issue -- I never felt or saw that.  It's the challenge of the cancer and my treatments forcing upon me all of the things I've neglected my entire life -- my physical, spiritual, and mental well-being.

 

For all of these years, I've thought that I would never use my arms for anything significant again in my life.  This morning I did the 20 or so push-ups that the Power Yoga DvD sends you through, breezed through the triangle, side angle, and upward bow poses, and did the pyramid pose with my hands in namaste behind my back.  Then I did a 20-second handstand.

 

Just as I do my yoga poses and every day I feel some tiny muscle that fussed yesterday giving in today, and I feel those tiny muscles every day giving in little by little, I'm also finding that little by little I'm gaining my courage and my ability to see that "impossible" just doesn't exist.

Bringing workouts into my non-workout world

This morning Power Yoga Total Body with Rodney Yee workout was so great.  I'm always surprised at how different my body feels from day to day.  Some days I can hardly do one pushup.  This morning my arms felt strong, and in the upward bow I managed to even begin to think about listening to my back.  Usually it's enough just that I get through it, much less bring my mind through the pain to actually observe.  Also, the ending leg stretches felt so fantastically refreshing and rejuvenating.  All in all it was a good yoga morning.

 

John and I went cross-country skiing a couple of days ago and I noticed that when you push and are gliding forward on one leg, you are in what is very similar to a warrior 3 yoga position.  And when your waist twists back and forth as your arms swing, the hip movement (and suppleness requirement) is very similar to what you do in tai chi.  Rodney Yee says "breathe into your lower back" on some poses, and I find that breathing into my lower back to keep its fluidity as I ski is very helpful.

 

John mentioned an article, or book (I can't remember exactly) which was about how we associate "working out" with going to the gym or taking classes;  but in actuality, we are missing a very important attitude we should be taking where the very act of living our lives should be viewed as a workout.  For instance, when I get water from the water cooler at work, I can either lean down and press the lever, or I can squat, and by squatting mindfully and slowly up and down, both strengthen my quads and practice keeping my spine erect but relaxed.

 

So I love it when I find myself integrating my "work outs" into my daily life like when I'm cross country skiing (or at the water cooler :P).  Lately I make a big point of putting my shoes and socks on and washing my feet in the shower with a one-legged stance, and doing them in slo-mo so that my balance, coordination, and strengthening are enhanced.

Yoga and the Gift of Thankfulness

I have finally graduated to being able to do the entire Power Yoga by Rodney Yee workout.  Most of the last portion is leg stretching which I'm discovering I've been sorely needing.

 

I have added on, at the recommendation of my dear husband, a tai chi video by Terence (Terry) Dunn.  It's a magnificent video -- very simple in presentation, but precise and methodically taught.  The warm-up by itself is 50 minutes long.  I only dedicate 20 minutes to it, squeezing it in in the evening when I can.

 

I think slower is more my style than lots of information/forms/poses.  I find that I need time to think over what I'm doing and practice a small thing over and over and over.  Maybe this is why it's taken me 6 months of daily workouts to finally be able to get through the Power Yoga DvD.  Yoga has become so much a part of my daily routine that without my morning yoga workout, I feel that I cannot begin the day with a worshipful, thankful attitude.  The attitude says "now there can be no disasters in my day".

 

One thing interesting that I've noticed is that the Power Yoga DvD does not make one a yogi.  I dedicate my evenings to juicing vegetables and puttering in the kitchen with my diet and such, and so don't always have the time for my evening workouts from the "Moving Towards Balance, Yoga in 8 weeks with Rodney Yee" book.  When I do it now, I get a tremendous workout.  I'm surprised, since I'm so dedicated to the Power Yoga DvD morning workouts.  I discover, though, that the Power Yoga gives me a maintenance workout, but the "real" yoga comes from holding the poses longer and doing more inversions.  In those ways I feel that I learn more self-perception and gain more meditative qualities to my yoga.  Plus, it's just plain harder to hold, say, a side-angle bend or warrior 2  for 45 seconds.  I find that in that pain of holding those poses is where my mind searches for the ease in my body and where I find the liberation.

 

I still continue to find over and over the life-changing benefits of my daily yoga practice.  Maybe some of it comes from the fact that yoga makes one respectful of ones body.  And even when I'm being bad to my body by eating badly or whatever, it's still with an overall knowledge that there's a pristine, pure, worthwhile being inside, and that's a wonderful gift that I'm grateful to have.